{"id":223,"date":"2016-01-02T12:52:52","date_gmt":"2016-01-02T12:52:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/barnetstarv.com\/?p=223"},"modified":"2023-12-19T22:02:35","modified_gmt":"2023-12-19T22:02:35","slug":"1-langebro-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/barnetstarv.com\/index.php\/2016\/01\/02\/1-langebro-2\/","title":{"rendered":"1. Langebro"},"content":{"rendered":"

Her midt p\u00e5 Langebro g\u00e5r jeg – en 40 \u00e5rig mand i mit livs kaos. Jeg tudbr\u00f8ler.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Det er en kold vind, der rammer mig. Bidende. Ubarmhjertig. Jeg flakker rundt uden m\u00e5l og retning. Og ude af stand til at m\u00e6rke mine ben. En tilskuer i mit eget liv. Det er ikke mig, der g\u00e5r der med t\u00e5rerne trillende ned af kinderne. Det er ikke mig, der ikke kan tr\u00e6kke vejret. Det er ikke mig, der er en voldsmand. Det er bare ikke mig. Og selv om jeg ikke forst\u00e5r noget som helst lige her midt p\u00e5 Langebro, forst\u00e5r jeg alligevel det hele: “Det her m\u00e5 komme\u00a0til at betyde, at jeg mister tid med min s\u00f8n<\/em>. Og p\u00e5 grund af hvad?<\/em>” t\u00e6nker jeg. \u00a0“Noget jeg ikke har gjort<\/em>“. Og s\u00e5dan har det v\u00e6ret de sidste mange m\u00e5neder – ja \u00e5r, faktisk. Et konstant farvel, en konstant trussel om et farvel, et konstant tab der hele tiden udspiller sig. Jeg er vant til det. Men jeg n\u00e6gter at give op.<\/p>\n

Jeg er p\u00e5 vej fra \u00d8stre Landsret tilbage til Amager, hvor min bil holder parkeret. Med mig har jeg en voldsdom i bagagen. Jeg er en voldsmand. En forbandet voldsmand i en ulykkelig b\u00f8rnesag. I hvert fald hvis man sp\u00f8rger \u00d8stre Landsret. De har ikke alene netop stadf\u00e6stet byrettens dom. De har ogs\u00e5 sk\u00e6rpet den. Jeg er nu b\u00e5de d\u00f8mt for at have nikket en skalle. For at have taget kv\u00e6lertag. Og for at have taget h\u00e5rdt fat i en arm. Jeg ved med mig selv, at jeg ikke har gjort det og jeg m\u00e6rker\u00a0magtesl\u00f8sheden helt ud til fingerspidserne, mens jeg g\u00e5r der p\u00e5 broen mod Amager.\u00a0For et par m\u00e5neder siden var det en f\u00f8lelse, der kun gav sig en smule til kende – magtesl\u00f8sheden. Et par centimeter hist og her En farvel\u00f8s kant der dukkede op og forstyrrede udsynet. \u00c6rgerligt, men til at leve med.<\/p>\n

“Det skal nok g\u00e5<\/em>“, sagde jeg til mig selv i august, da byretten traf sin\u00a0afg\u00f8relse.<\/p>\n

Men med landsrettens dom d. 24. november 2014 falder den farvel\u00f8s kant nu p\u00e5 plads inde i mig. Breder sig og bygger fodboldbaner i samme gr\u00e5 farve – eller snarere gr\u00e5 mangel p\u00e5 farve. Noget inde i mig begynder at fryse til, og der er “kun” to ting, der forhindrer mig i at falde om der midt p\u00e5 broen. For det f\u00f8rste selvf\u00f8lgelig min s\u00f8n og for det andet den gruppe af gode og n\u00e6re venner, som jeg har omkring mig. Holdkammerater som altid er der. Holdkammerater som st\u00e5r op for mig. Og som i den samme r\u00e6kkef\u00f8lge ringer til mig p\u00e5 sv\u00e6re dage. Hver gang. Pr\u00e6cist som med denne novemberdag p\u00e5 Langebro.\u00a0De er der. Hele holdet. D\u00e9t er venskab. Og det f\u00e5r mig frem til min bil.<\/p>\n

Der er nu g\u00e5et et \u00e5r. Jeg er stadig en voldsmand – p\u00e5 papiret. Men ikke i realiteten. Og ikke i hjertet. Og i den kommende tid vil du p\u00e5 min blog og via de sociale medier kunne f\u00f8lge min kamp for retf\u00e6rdighed. Julen har v\u00e6ret ubeskrivelig. En sl\u00e5ende kontrast til 2014. Statsforvaltningen traf en hasteafg\u00f8relse onsdag d. 16. december. Og min s\u00f8n kom hjem p\u00e5 juleferie. Jeg kan ikke i ord beskrive hans begejstring, men et meget fint billede p\u00e5 glimtet i hans \u00f8jne da jeg kommer og henter ham, er, at jeg med det samme skal have en gave fra ham. Et r\u00f8dt julehjerte til at h\u00e6nge p\u00e5 tr\u00e6et. “Fordi jeg elsker dig, far.<\/em>”<\/p>\n

Nu befinder jeg mig s\u00e5 i Sverige. En autentisk \u00f8deg\u00e5rd – som taget direkte ud af en Astrid Lindgren bog.\u00a0Her har jeg fejret nyt\u00e5r uden en eneste raket. Men med en flaske champagne. En blok og en blyant.<\/p>\n

\"1.P\u00e5 v\u00e6ggene omkring mig h\u00e6nger r\u00f8de julehjerter fra min egen barndom. De har tilh\u00f8rt min farmor. Det r\u00f8r mig dybt, kan jeg m\u00e6rke, og t\u00e5rerne begynder igen at tr\u00e6nge sig p\u00e5. Som om ringen langsomt sluttes.\u00a0Der er i hvert fald nogen meget st\u00e6rke paralleller mellem min egen barndom og den barndom min s\u00f8n lige nu oplever hos sin far. Noget der er langt st\u00e6rkere end Langebro, magtesl\u00f8sheden og uretf\u00e6rdigheden. Et b\u00e5nd mellem min s\u00f8n og jeg, som ingen kan tage fra os.<\/p>\n

Jeg st\u00e5r nu for f\u00f8rste gang frem og fort\u00e6ller hele min historie. Det er gr\u00e6nseoverskridende og angstprovokerende for mig. Men jeg ved, at det er det rigtige at g\u00f8re.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Her midt p\u00e5 Langebro g\u00e5r jeg – en 40 \u00e5rig mand i mit livs kaos. Jeg tudbr\u00f8ler. Det er en kold vind, der rammer mig. Bidende. Ubarmhjertig. Jeg flakker rundt uden m\u00e5l og retning. Og ude af stand til at m\u00e6rke mine ben. En tilskuer i mit eget liv. Det er ikke mig, der g\u00e5r […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":16735,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-223","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ikke-kategoriseret"],"yoast_head":"\n1. 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